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What is Swinging?
Swinging is social and sexual intercourse with someone other than your mate,
boyfriend or girlfriend, excepting the traditional one-on-one dating. It may
be defined as recreational social sex. The activity may occur at a swing
party, a couple-to-couple encounter, a liason, or with a third person in a
threesome. Though single men and women are involved, it is primarily an
activity of couples.
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Who the Swingers Are
People who swing come from all economic levels. Every job classification,
all races and nationalities are represented, though the majority are
Caucasian, middle to upper middle socio-economic class, and married.
Swingers, married and single, tend to be adventuresome, emotionally mature,
and have excellent relationships with their mates and friends. Single people
are involved in swinging but not to the extent of couples. Many single women
have joined swing clubs, finding them a refreshing alternative to the
traditional bar scene.
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Couples in Swinging
Swinging is "the recreation" for couples whether they are married, committed
(having an ongoing emotional commitment), living together (co-habitating,
with or without an on-going intimate relationship) or single couples who
date. A study of swinging couples (McGinley, 1979) reported increased
enjoyment and satisfaction in the relationships accompanied by a better
understanding of self and mate, greater intimacy between the partners and a
decrease in sex role playing and sexist expectations.
Swinging enables a couple to explore sexual and social feelings and needs
together, permitting a demystification of sex which allows sex to assume a
place in the relationship unhindered by the standard ties to love, duty, sex
roles and morals of others.
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Women in Swinging
It is certainly an understatement to say that the role of women in our
society has greatly changed over the past several decades. The humanistic and
woman’s movements have had an impact on sexuality also. The number of women
choosing involvement in swinging during the past few years is remarkable.
Sexual and social assertiveness on the part of women at swing parties and
other swing activities is not only acceptable, it has come to be expected.
To openly be oneself without fear of seeming unfeminine is a delightful
experience for a woman and a welcome experience for the man. Swinging
provides the environment to alter sex-role playing for both sexes, allowing
men and women to participate with each other in a uniquely human experience.
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Men in Swinging
Whether married, in a relationship or single, swinging can be a wonderful
experience for a man. Not surprisingly, most women who are into swinging
were introduced to the lifestyle by a man in their life. Also not
surprising, many men would swing if only they could. They are hindered from
the experience by their marriage, or if single, their inability to find a
woman for a swinging partner. Of course, guilt feelings about sex and
pleasure, and sex roles, also hinder men from swinging.
Men are not the macho, always ready, self-reliant persons of fiction. They
are as human as their female counterparts. They experience loneliness and
fear rejection. A man, on convincing his wife to try swinging, may
experience unexpected jealousy and a feeling of loss when she walks hand in
hand, partially nude and obviously excited, toward a bedroom with another
towel-clad man. He had fantasized himself in swinging but had not
comprehended the reality of his wife or mate swinging.
As with women, the experience of swinging can be growth producing for a man.
It alters forever traditional concepts of man-woman relationships with
sexist overtones. Through swinging, a man can experience a great deal of
pleasure.
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What is a Swing Club?
NASCA defines swing clubs as any organization, formal or informal, which
exists to provide swinging activities. Swing clubs exist in a variety of
forms. These include Swing Clubs, Party Houses, Circles and Socials, Bars
and Cocktail Lounges and Contact Services. All but the contact services may
be on-premises or off-premises. Contact services work through the mail or
telephone and rarely provide swing parties although they may promote group
travel. Parties given by on-premises swing clubs may have from ten to sixty
or more couples, though twenty to forty couples is the common average.
On-premises means that sexual activity occurs at the party. Off premises
swing clubs, cocktail lounges and bars help you to meet other swingers.
Swinging will be elsewhere with the interested couples and singles
responsible for the arrangements. The arrangements include who is to be
invited, the location, date and time.
The on premises party offers a wide possibility of social interaction,
selection, potential of swinging with others in a foursome, threesome,
one-on-one, or in a group scene. Bisexual as well as heterosexual swinging
is possible, principally among women. And the club on-premises party offers
this without pressure in a structured environment. Private, semi-private and
group rooms are generally provided to meet the desires of virtually everyone.
Heated pools, Jacuzzi’s and hot tubs may be available to accent the social
environment.
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What is a Swing Publication?
Swing publications serve the swing community by publishing personal ads.
Many also publish photos of the advertisers. A few carry ads only. Most
offer articles about swinging and sexual behavior. Personal ads offer a form
of swinging that many find exciting. The placing and answering of ads is a
swing activity in itself. It is exciting to open a letter describing a new
couple, perhaps with photos. Socially meeting someone following an exchange
of letters, photos and phone calls, with the possibility of swinging, is
considered the height of swinging pleasure by many.
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What is Sex in Swinging Like?
The actual sexual activity of swinging is varied. Though important, swinging
is rarely centered around the orgasm but on the various pleasurable acts that
lead to orgasm. Once on a bed, the participants will generally begin with
kissing and caressing each other’s body. Both the woman’s and man’s nipples
are favorite places of fondling, sucking and gentle nibbling, followed by
licking and kissing around the genital area, then the genitals directly.
Most develop techniques they feel pleasure their various partners.
Sixty-nine or mutual oral-genital pleasuring is popular. Either partner may
masturbate the other, and vibrators may be employed, especially in group
swing scenes such as in the swing club’s group room. These activities may be
intermixed with intercourse done in a variety of ways. Anal sex is popular
with some swingers. Bisexual swinging is more common among women than among
men.
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What does the term EOLO mean?
EOLO following a listing means that the club is an Equal Opportunity Lifestyle Organization, a concept originally proposed and used by Connection Magazine of Cleveland, Ohio. NASCA and Affiliates have adopted this designation as a means of telling potential members and visitors that the club or publication is open to all races and nationalities. NASCA International supports this concept of equal opportunity.
The directory questionnaire sent to swing organizations worldwide provided space for the organization to indicate their exclusions, if any, to membership and/or participation in their parties and other activities. Few indicated exclusion based on race or national origin. Exclusions, where known, are noted in the listings.
NASCA is opposed to race and national origin discrimination by swing organizations. At the same time, we uphold the right of a swing organization to operate in a manner of their choosing, provided that they make known to potential members/participants their policies. In other words, NASCA asks that such organizations be "upfront" with their policies so as to avoid embarrassment and discomfort for any person answering their ad.
NASCA feels that race and national origin discrimination in swinging is a dinosaur at best, and will, in time, disappear. We maintain that each person should be judged on his or her own merits and with the same criteria that is used to judge all others.
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Recent article in major news publication
"Partner swapping comes out of closet as
today's partner swapping is more upscale, perhaps more accepted."
Julian Guthrie, Chronicle Staff Writer Tuesday, July 9, 2002.
Swinging, the practice of swapping romantic partners, has had a makeover.
Gone are the big-hair, gold-chain '70s-style swingers who gathered in suburban tract homes. Today's energetic couplings have made their way into mainstream resorts and upscale commercial venues.
"There are people who see the market potential and are opening clubs and agencies to cater to the lifestyle," said Tony Lanzaratta, a former Los Angeles police officer who is executive director of NASCA, a national organization of swingers. "The lifestyle tour and travel industry has more than tripled in the last five years."
For instance, more than 4,000 swingers recently took over the 17-story Radisson Hotel in Miami Beach, Fla. Each January, about 2,000 swingers take over a Jamaican resort called Hedonism. Thousands of swingers are expected at a national convention in Reno this month.
The typical swingers are in their 30s or 40s and have solid jobs and relationships -- and disposable income, Lanzaratta said.
NASCA, known as the North American Swing Club Association before it went international, has been approached by a "major hotel chain" about opening five- star resorts catering to swingers, Lanzaratta said.
The movement has changed in other ways. Experts who have studied swingers say women now are the ones running clubs, organizing events and embracing this newfound libertinism.
WOMEN DRIVING MOVEMENT NOW
"Women are more liberated. They're the ones who are driving this movement today," said Dr. Ted McIlvenna, president of the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco.
McIlvenna, who is 70, a former United Methodist minister and not a swinger himself, has studied sex clubs for more than 25 years and began tracking swingers 12 years ago.
Generally, McIlvenna said, it's the man who wants to try swinging and the woman who wants to go back.
"The woman might like the stuff that's going on, but her family-forming behavior kicks in," McIlvenna said. "She likes the sense of community. The man is simply going to get laid."
Every weekend, in cities from San Jose to Novato and Hayward to San Francisco, heterosexual couples pay to "swing," or swap romantic partners.
The Bay Area has 22 couples-only swing clubs registered on the NASCA Web site, where the motto is, "For those who want more than just one bite." Countless other clubs operate on their own. An estimated 500 such clubs operate across the country.
"This is not for everyone," said NASCA's Lanzaratta. "We're not trying to gain acceptance from the general public."
Nonetheless, swinging is finding its way into glossy magazines, popular television shows and movie houses.
Documentaries including "Sex With Strangers" are showing in mainstream theaters and garnering guardedly positive reviews. HBO's hit series "Six Feet Under" recently featured a swingers party. The March issue of French Vogue included a story on the rise of swing clubs.
FEAR OF BACKLASH
Harry Gantz, a producer of "Sex With Strangers," believes the swing movement is just now "coming out." It has inched into more mainstream and upscale circles, he says, but for many there remains a fear of condemnation.
"In 25 states, you can run for office and be openly gay, but if you come out and say you're married and that you have sex with other couples, you won't get elected," Gantz said.
A backlash followed the release of the movie. Four of the seven people featured lost their jobs when employers found out they were swingers, according to Gantz.
"Marriage is still the most sacred institution in our country," Gantz said. "To the point that you reveal an alternative to that, there will be a backlash. "
McIlvenna, the director of the sexuality institute, believes the taboo is slowly lifting.
"Whether this sort of thing is good or bad is impossible to say," he said. "It's more about how you view your own sexuality. From the couples we've studied, it doesn't end in divorce, but it doesn't solve problems either. For many, it's just a diversion."
Sex clubs, which are legal, require a business license and change of use permit to operate. Local health departments issue guidelines for operation but generally leave it up to the proprietors to promote safe sex and monitor activities.
By law, clubs provide only spaces where sex is in the open, rather than in private rooms.
The owner of Lush, a private sex club in San Francisco, said safety is promoted before the doors open. The club requires that reservations be made live, over the phone. A reservationist screens callers to get a sense of experience. The club does not advertise. First-time visitors are generally referred by a member.
The owner, who asked not to be named, said he had opened the club to provide a "cool but sophisticated" atmosphere.
'TIME TO MODERNIZE IT'
"Before Lush, there were only house or hotel parties," he said. "Everything felt very left-over from the '70s and '80s. I thought it was time to modernize it. We wanted to bring in the club lifestyle, have house music, make it cool."
Visitors to Lush pay $80 per couple. Single men or women are not admitted. A dress code is enforced -- no jeans or athletic attire allowed. The mantra of swingers is "no means no." If a couple asks another to "play," a no is to be taken as politely as yes.
On a recent Saturday night at Lush, situated on a side street near the city's Civic Center, couples danced to house music spun by a disc jockey and chatted with other couples seated at tall cafe tables or on love seats nearby. There were no drugs or alcohol for sale, although some couples had brought their own bottles of wine and champagne. A white-tablecloth buffet was set up, offering chocolates, strawberries, sodas and mineral water.
Throughout the night, which began at 10 and wound down after 3 a.m., couples made their way from the dance floor to the dimly lit upstairs.
Some couples spent the evening clothed, walking hand in hand, watching the action. Most, though, became active participants. Lockers were available to stash clothes and bags.
Two rooms had gauze curtains, offering the guise of privacy. Couples streamed by, pulling back curtains to peer in. In one room, a couple from Sonoma waited for partners. The husband was dressed, the wife lay nude on her stomach. Mattresses were covered in white sheets. A hallway decorated with faux vines led to one large room, with bunk-bed-style tiers of mattresses.
Bowls were filled with condoms. The upstairs bathroom included a shower.
ONE COUPLE'S STORY
Lana Trumm and Yuri Shiller, who have been married for 10 years, started swinging two years ago. Shiller had heard of the club and wanted to try it out.
They've been regulars ever since. On a good night, there are 200 people at Lush.
Trumm, who is 35, is candid about her many loves, which include: her husband, sex with her husband, sex with strangers, art, dance and Russian food,
particularly potatoes, salt fish and salami. Tall, thin, blond and blue-eyed, she was born in Siberia and danced with the St. Petersburg ballet.
Shiller, 48, was born in Leningrad. The two met when she was modeling, and he was a fashion photographer. Today, living in San Francisco, both do conceptual art. He is prone to discoursing on how swinging improves society and likening good sex to good art. She is more practical.
"We are living our fantasy," he said. "I'm glad when Lana finds something good at Lush. If it's something she needs and makes her happy, then I feel happy."
Trumm, who crinkles her nose when she smiles, confesses that she likes making her husband "a little bit" jealous. She said it made him want her more.
"Lush has made our life much more interesting," she said. "We are closer than ever before. It's very sexy."
Before the evening had ended, Shiller and Trumm played with several other couples.
"The first couple was especially good," Trumm said later. "I fell in love. It was the first time we'd met, although they'd been to Lush before. The guy was very handsome. We danced for a while. We went upstairs. It was easy. The sex was spectacular."
No names were exchanged. No plans were made to see each other again.
"Sometimes it's enough to be with one person for one hour," Trumm said. "I just want great sex. I don't need someone to have breakfast with."
She added, "We want to fall in love a few times a night. That's why we go to Lush. To find love."
E-mail the writer at jguthrie@sfchronicle.com.
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If you have questions or would like to add to this FAQ please email
Dr. Robert McGinley at NASCA - mcginley@nasca.com
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